So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize
