I'm jealous of your bromance
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
