And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
