And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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