You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
