if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon