what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
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And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
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He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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