I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
