Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
