Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
