I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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