I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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