Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
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I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
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I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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