A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
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even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
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Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home