Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
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You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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