Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.