I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌