I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
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a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
ttyl tear gas
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
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Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.