Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.