Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE