TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
