I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
