I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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