I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
