I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
