I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
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And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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