Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
