Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
