fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
