i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
