conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
