with your own penis?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
