Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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