May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
thus making me awesome and them whores
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
