I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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