I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Who died my cat blue again?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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