Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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