So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
