Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
