I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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