im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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