It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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