so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
