i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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