My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
