Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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