we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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