I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
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