i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
