What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved