OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
I'm just looking out for you.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover