I'm so fucking centered right now
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
