Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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