I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
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I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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