I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
