he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
