Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
