No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
