i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
are you so shy because you have an std?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
