Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
