The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i will never coherently bang her
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
