Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
