i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
How does it feel to date your dad?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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