dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
It's Friday. Sex?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
