Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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