Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
