yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
