You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
