I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
