So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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