i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
