hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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