I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
