I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
