I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
